Arguing With Opinions Is Like Arguing With A Brick Wall

As publishers we belong to several writing groups on social media (not always under the “Selfishgenie” branding).

​They help us to keep in touch with authors, see what sorts of issues are bothering writers and which we might also need to be bothered about (AI is a hot topic right now), and to offer advice to writers who are struggling to understand the complex world of writing and publishing and how the two connect up.
 
We believe that by helping authors we also help ourselves because we get better quality books submitted. It also helps to improve the quality of work being produced by indie authors and small publishers, so we can all compete better with the big boys (or girls) with the fancy offices.
 
So, everyone benefits, and nobody suffers, except maybe the big boys (or girls) in the fancy office blocks.

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But there is an annoying habit some people have on social media, which is to ask a question and then argue with the answer.

​This is a generic thing on social media, of course, but when it happens in writing groups where people are supposed to be supporting each other, it is contrary to the spirit of providing support.
 
Now, we’re not talking about arguing with facts. If facts are wrong then they have to be corrected because, otherwise, misinformation gets circulated around and that helps no one.
 
No, we’re talking about arguing with opinions.
 
Let’s start with the basics.

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Social media does not exist to validate anyone. If you post something on social media expecting universal approval, you will be disappointed. If all you want or expect is validation, you are in the wrong place.
 
Secondly, if you post a question on social media, you will get answers with which you agree and answers with which you disagree.
 
The sorts of posts I’m talking about are cover images, extracts from stories, drafts of blurbs and synopses and perhaps the odd idea for a story and the author wants to know if it’s likely to find readers. But there are plenty of other sorts of questions, such as the viability of self-publishing, How and where to self publish, the best way to market books, author’s experiences of dealing with certain companies and so on.

​In fact, if you can think of a question even remotely related to writing or publishing, someone will have asked it or will ask it in the future.
 
That’s all great. Social media is a great place to post stuff or ask questions if you want feedback, advice or information.
 
BUT

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Not all the feedback will be what you want to hear.
 
Just because someone thinks that a story idea is brilliant and the greatest idea since Harry Potter, it doesn’t mean anybody else will think the same.

​To coin an old phrase, just because you think something is a good idea, it doesn’t mean it is. 
 
The “remainder bins” are full of books that authors (and some publishers) thought were good ideas and it turned out that readers didn’t agree with them.
 
There are other aspects to this, which come down to good manners.

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Firstly, someone has taken the time to read the question, study whatever it was that was posted, thought about their opinion and posted it. That, at least, deserves a thank you, not an argument.
 
Secondly, it is an opinion. Nobody has to agree with it but, equally, arguing about it serves no purpose. They won’t change their mind.
 
Yes, you may have slaved for hours drafting what you think is the perfect blurb and posted it on social media only for someone to say “No, mate. I wouldn’t buy your book based on that blurb.”
 
Yes, that is very disappointing. Yes, it may be discouraging. But that opinion may be important.

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If someone has said that, then others may be thinking it. And if people are thinking it, then the chances are that whoever made the statement is right and the blurb won’t sell any books (ditto covers, sample chapters etc).
 
The correct response to that is not “You don’t know what you are talking about.” or words to that effect.
 
The correct response is “Thank you for your input..”
 
What I’m trying to say is, if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question.

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If you post your book cover and say “Here it is, the cover of my latest book.” Then you can disagree with people who say they don’t like it, because you haven’t actually invited their opinion.

​But if they’ve expressed an opinion they still won’t change their mind so there isn’t much point in arguing with them anyway.
 
But if you post your latest book cover and say “What do you think of this?” then it’s open season for opinions. It’s possible that not everyone will think it’s as good as you think it is, and some people will tell you that (probably us), because you asked them what they thought of it.
 
If you get defensive and challenge their view, you are alienating that person and they might be one of the people who would have bought your book – but they won’t now.
 
Or, worse, they may buy it, review it and say what an awful cover it had.
 
Yes, people really do that.

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And, ultimately, they may actually be right, and it is better to find that out before you publish your book than afterwards. All input is valuable, especially from the people who actually read books.
 
So, with this in mind, we have brainstormed a list of do’s and don’ts when posting about your books on social media (they are opinions, so feel free to disagree with them or to suggest others).
 
1. If you don’t want opinions, don’t ask a question. Better still, don’t post on social media.

2. If you haven’t asked a question, then by all means get into an argument, but bear in mind that it may damage your reputation and sales.

3. If you ask for opinions, bear in mind that some of the opinions you get may not be what you want to hear. That doesn't make them wrong.

4. If you disagree with an opinion, don’t argue with it, just ignore it.
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5. You are not perfect, and you probably aren’t the world’s greatest author. But you could be if you listen to advice from other authors.

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There is one question that you can ask with regard to someone’s opinion and that is “why?”.

​The reason they think the way they do could be important and could provide you with valuable information, which can inform any changes you may decide to make.
 
However, you have to ask the question the right way.
 
“What do you mean?” is very blunt and sounds defensive. It doesn’t encourage an answer. Or if it gets an answer it might be “I mean what I mean!” which isn’t very helpful.
 
So, here’s a form of words which encourages people to elaborate on their opinion and provide the sort of information you might need (feel free to copy and paste into your social media).
 
“Thanks. If you don’t mind me asking, what is it about (whatever) that makes you feel that way?”
 
When (if) they reply, you may ask other questions to clarify, but make sure whatever you ask doesn’t challenge their view, even if you disagree with it.
 
If you do disagree, you can still ignore the reply, or you can limit your response to “Thanks for your input”. In fact, you should say thank you regardless of what you think of the answer.

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There is a subset of the issues I have explored above and that is when people who didn’t ask the question argue with people who have expressed opinions.

For some reason these people think they have to leap to the defence of the person who made the original post. They don't.

To coin a phrase - not your circus, not your monkeys!

​Or perhaps they think their opinion is more valid than the one that has been expressed. I have news for them. Their opinion is not more valid, unless they can prove they are an expert on the subject under discussion. 
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All of the above guidance applies to that too. You may not share their opinions, but that doesn’t make you right and them wrong. And vice-versa.

​If you want to get into an argument based purely on opinions, there is plenty of scope for that in the political groups. In writers’ groups we are supposed to be supportive, not divisive.
 
Belonging to a writer’s group on social media can be highly beneficial to an author. There is  plenty to be gained by sharing knowledge and information. But they are also places where it is easy to alienate potential customers, because writers are also readers. So being diplomatic in the use of language is extremely important.
 
And for those of you (us) who give our opinions, whether invited or not, be diplomatic in the way you express yourselves because if you want to be treated with good manners, you must first practice good manners.
 
If you don’t like something, give a well-constructed reason why because that will be more helpful than just saying “I don’t like it”. If possible, provide examples of good practice, or point people in the direction where they can get more help,
 
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