Yes, There Is Such A Thing As A Stupid Question!

I have to thank Hannah Heath and Sue Falagade Lick whose blogs I have pillaged to find some of these questions, but they served only to remind me that I, too, have been asked them. I have added a few of my own and, of course, the answers are all mine.

Q1. Are you still writing?
 
There are many ways of answering this, most of which will be sarcastic. If I say I am a writer, or an author, then the answer will remain “yes” until I tell you that I am no longer a writer or an author.
 
 Q2. Is your new book out yet?
 
My new book is always out, until I have a new new book, then the old new book becomes the previous book.

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Q3. Where do you get your ideas?
 
I find them in my breakfast cereal (sarcasm).

Story ideas are all around us, all the time. What a writer has to do is pay attention to the world and find a way of turning the mundane into something interesting.
 
Q4. Do you ever want to go shopping/to the beach/out to breakfast/(insert other distractions)?
 
No. I’m too busy writing. Unless you want a game of golf.
 
Q5. How about tomorrow?
 
Still busy writing (unless you want to play golf). I’ll have time for diversions when I’m no longer a writer (or golfer).

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Q6. What do you do all day?
 
Oh please!
 
Q7. Would you collaborate with me on this idea I have for a book?
 
Do you mean “Give up the work I know I can earn money from to work for you speculatively for free for 6 months and then give you half the royalties on whatever comes out the other end”?

I think I’ll pass. Pay me and I’ll think about it.

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Q8. How much money do you earn from writing?
 
How much money do you make from what you do? You show me your bank statement and I’ll show you mine.
 
But here’s a clue: I drive a 6 year old Hyundai and when I go on holiday I fly on budget airlines. 99% of all authors are like me (only the model of car varies).
 
Q9. Can I get a free copy of your book?
 
Yes, if you ask your local library to buy a copy and put it on their shelves, then you can borrow it for free. I do this for a living, not as charitable work. But I’ll sign your copy for free if you buy one.
 
Q10. So, like, you're going to be the next Lee Child?
 
I would like to say yes because he is a good writer, but the truth is I’m going to be me. I may be influenced by other authors, but the presentation will always be mine.
 
Q11. You write sci-fi? Why don't you write something real? 
 
Sci Fi is just the vehicle I use to tell my stories. It allows the reader to see issues from another perspective. Imagine if you were an alien and arrived on Earth, what would you make of some of the things we do to each other and to our planet? What would you think of the way we might treat you?
 
By the way, I don’t just write sci-fi. I have also written a fantasy, a political thriller, three action adventures, a 7 book series set during World War II and a parody of a Charles Dickens book. 

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Q12. How do you fill your time?
 
(This answer may be accompanied by physical violence, so please stand well back)
 
I sit painting my nails. What do you think I do all day?

Have you ever tried to write a thousand words that are interesting to read and which keep the reader sufficiently engaged so as to want to read the next thousand?
 
Q13. So which character is you? It’s the hero, isn’t it. It’s a thinly disguised autobiography, isn’t it?
 
No it isn’t. That’s not how it works. Each major character is made up of a set of character traits that allows them to function within the environment that I create for them. If they are good it is because I make them good and if they are bad it is because I make them bad.
 
Q14. So which character is me?
 
The one that dies horribly in Chapter 1. Sorry, did I say that out loud?

​Please refer to Q13. I may borrow some character traits from people I know, but none of the characters are wholly one person or another. If I do base characters on real people’s character traits then they are usually mixed and matched to suit the story.

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Q15.  Writers are really weird. You know most of them go crazy?
 
That's not strictly a questions but I'll answer it anyway.

​There is no such things as normal, so there is also no such thing as weird, other than in the purely subjective sense. As for going crazy, it’s only by writing that I actually stay sane. Sorry, does me holding this knife make you feel nervous?
 
Q16. How do you go about writing a story?
 
I have an idea, I sit in front of my PC and I start to write. It’s easy. I may change the idea as I go along, or I may stick with it. I may scrap the whole thing and go back to square one. There are no rules. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy writing.
 
Q17.  Can anyone be a writer?
 
Yes, but if you are asking these sorts of questions, it probably means you aren’t cut out for it.

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Q18. Do you ever suffer from writer’s block?
 
Writer’s block affects many writers at some time, but there are ways of dealing with it.

My own way is to take some time off writing and return to it refreshed, or when some new idea drives me back to the keyboard.

​There are also numerous other tricks that can be used, such as using “writing prompts” to get the words flowing, then diverting the flow back towards my work in progress.
 
Q19. Would I like your books? (Variations include “would your books appeal to me?”)
 
I don’t know. Why don’t you buy one and find out? It will cost you less than the price of two pints of beer and will keep you occupied for much, much longer.
 
Q20. Would I have read anything by you?
 
I don’t know. Look at the covers of your books; if my name is on any of them then, yes, you have read something by me.
 
Q21. Will you put me in one of your books?
 
Yes. Then I’ll kill you in the most horrible manner I can think of, then I’ll resurrect you so that I can kill you again.

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Q21. How do you come up with the names for your characters.
 
Telephone directories. Except in my sci-fi novels. There the character names are created from a sort of Scrabble approach.
 
Q22. When will you give up writing?
 
When I’m dead or when I run out of ideas for stories, whichever is the sooner. 

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